After a loss, all that would remain is yourself, albeit stronger and better - with new experiences from the countless tribulations and hurdles of life.
It doesn’t matter if you think that you’re better than everyone else just as long as it has a positive influence on you. Self-suggestion is a powerful tool. People are all different anyway; there is no point in comparing yourself with everyone else and competing for the best.
I miss the old pasta they used to serve at my high school canteen. They had lots to choose from, it was hella cheap too - for P50 you would get a generous serving of pasta and garlic bread (from French Baker, no less). They served this one pasta dish, I don’t know what it was called but the nice old lady who cooked it called it ‘Sun-kissed pasta’. Its sauce was orange colored oil, had lots of bacon, garlic, and green onion. The sauce was tangy and a bit salty, it was not greasy and didn’t leave the aftertaste of overused oil. This was one of the reasons why I’d always be excited to go to school back then. I ate there every fucking day in high school. I’m kinda craving for it now, sadly, I don’t think there’s a recipe for it online (anyone familiar with the recipe? for the sauce at least, it’d be awesome and I will love you forever).
One day I heard news from a friend who is still in HS that they shut them down for unknown reasons. I was like, “WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY DO THAT?” as I raged. Apparently, the only food they serve there now was shitty, generic Zaide canteen fare (contracted by La Salle schools), which they often boycotted.
Good, cheap food is hard to come by these days, especially around the university campus. There are lots to choose from, albeit being expensive, and that automatically removes itself as a choice for me since I’m living on a really tight budget. Nothing quite satisfies me more than the aforementioned pasta place. Why must restaurant/food establishment owners, cafeteria contractors, etc. take advantage of the false notion that most DLSU students have stuffed wallets? We have it as bad as them and we’re not even working yet, but they continue to milk us of even just the small amount of money we’re forced to live on each day.
*Sigh* I guess I’ll just shut up and eat pancit canton at Agno… /cheapassmode
It kinda sucks wanting to buy new shit to update my arsenal of unnecessary accessories but not being able to afford them being a destitute and starving college student living on only P200 a day. I don’t even eat properly anymore and I still have a hard time saving up for shit. I should get a job or something. Why must the world revolve around capitalism so much? I mean, we study our asses off to get jobs to pay for shit we don’t really need but want so bad… well I guess the question should be more like why must humans desire useless material possessions so much (but what the REAL question should really be is why do all these goddamn companies make so much good shit!).
Why must the world be like this it’s driving me fucking crazy ugh I want to kill myself over being poor (nah not rly). Just goes to show how I wouldn’t survive being on a lower class (middle class is bad enough here in the Philippines). I hate having fucking stingy parents ugh (despite them paying my uber-expensive tuition in school), but it also makes me feel kinda bad being 2 years delayed from graduating so yeah I guess I don’t deserve having to want these things. /guilty
tl;dr I’m poor and in a need of a job.
I wonder if I ever made an impact in someone’s life
I doubt it… my existence is insignificant.
If I was gone, I wonder if anyone would give a shit
I’ll go on a journey to find myself and get lost somewhere far off, away from everyone else and the worries of the metro, armed with just bare essentials and a camera, to escape this rather monotonous life and fulfill my thirst for adventure. Where this sudden craving for thrill came from, I’m not sure of. I’d prefer to explore a foreign land, but I don’t mind just venturing around the country. I want to discover new things, explore sights and places, see the world first hand with my own two eyes (and the lens of my camera!) and learn to be stronger and more independent. I want to experience sleeping under the stars, take a photograph of something beautiful along the way, meet new people, my list would go on and on. Where my destination would be wouldn’t matter, I’ll keep on walking and see how far I can go.
As a kid, I was always open to the idea of exploration, thanks to my exposure to video games and adventure-themed cartoons. I was always curious as to how these adventures would play out in real life. I knew that these were just pure fiction and that my dreams of adventuring are all just orchestrations perpetrated by profit-minded capitalists, but I couldn’t help but imagine how awesome it would be to go out there and see the world, like in an RPG. I owe much to the anime Honey and Clover for inspiration - where Yuuta Takemoto embarks on a similar journey to find himself. I know, I sound like a total lameass, but the kid in me is totally screaming right now how bad he wants to take a risk, ‘cause wouldn’t that just be awesome? I could be wrong, maybe it’s just my unconscious desire to be unique that’s just compelling me to take this on, but whatever.
Currently, my financial resources do not allow me to embark on such a pilgrimage, much to my dismay. I don’t see this journey of mine coming to fruition anytime soon. Sadly, adventures tend to be pricey, just ask the protagonists of adventure-themed video games!
Maybe then I’d realize how important everyone is to me, and maybe even you would miss me. Perhaps when I come back to my friends and regale them with tales of my journey. Then I’d finally have something worthwhile to share, unlike the usual mundane banter I tell them which no one probably gives a shit about. Maybe, I would come back as a changed person, for the better.
I wish that maybe if ever I do get to embark on this journey of self realization, I may find the words to write it down with.
…Why is it that I can never find myself to express how I really feel about my loved ones? Why do I always let down my family, friends and the girl I like. :(
Why am I so… insensitive, and yet oversensitive to small things I shouldn’t even worry about. Why can’t I be like I was before I became this bitter, hollow shell of loneliness.
But I guess it’s in sadness in which I find myself embracing instead.
